Your First Child’s College Move-In Day

Dear mom of a soon-to-be college student,

If you are a mom getting ready to send your first child off to college, things are hectic right now, to say the least! You are trying to be as organized as possible so that your child is fully prepared for their first college move-in day, and beyond that, their entire college experience. You are making packing lists, buying things for your child’s new dorm room, helping them complete onboarding tasks for their college, and navigating how move-in day will work. Your “baby” is going off to college and your focus is on them! What will that first week away from home be like for them? How will they adjust? What do they need to be set up for success? 

It is such an exciting time! You and your “big kid” are undoubtedly thinking about the wonderful things about college life. New friends, studying topics of interest, living away from home for the first time!

The truth is that despite all of the move-in day excitement, new college students are usually frightened and anxious, just like you might be. It is a roller coaster of emotions for you both. As a mom, you know your child – their facial expressions, how they walk, and how their tone changes when they feel emotional. Now you are about to leave them at college to establish a new life away from home. Even if they are smiling and excited, you will see their fears and anxieties written all over their face and you will need to walk away. You cannot linger to see if they feel better. You cannot distract them with an ice cream run. You cannot tell a few jokes. You need to turn away from them and leave.

It is important to remember that both of you are going through a major adjustment. College move-in is a day is exciting, but the actual goodbye can hit hard.  

Have you thought of the moment you will leave your child on campus and head home without them? The very second you have to turn and walk away?

I sure wasn’t prepared when I experienced it. Once it dawned on me that the time was coming to say goodbye, my mind started racing and, suddenly, I saw my daughter at her first playgroup. I purposefully stepped away from her at snack time because she was so shy, and I wanted to give her an opportunity to get out of her comfort zone. Someone gave her raisins, one of the few things she refused to eat. I watched as she looked all around for me. The desperation in her eyes. Frantic. Real fear. She didn’t know what to do as a true introvert at only 2 ½ years old. She looked so defenseless, so unable, so maxed out. Yet, I was able to be right there watching from afar, ready to help if she really needed me.

This ability to jump to your child’s aid at a moment’s notice is about to change. Leaving your child at college for the very first time – the actual departing from the college’s campus and leaving them there – is no easy task for any mom. What about stranger danger? You are leaving your child with people, most of whom you’ve never even met, and you’re trusting that they will care for your them in your absence. Suddenly you are doing something you would have never done to your child before – leaving them alone with a bunch of strangers to start a new chapter.

When I dropped my first child at college, that little girl who was stunned by raisins in a Dixie cup had obviously grown a ton, but leaving her there still shook me to my core. It hit me like a ton of bricks – I couldn’t just step back and give her space while still being there. I wouldn’t know so many of the people in her life. There would be no debriefing about her days. No snacks to make. No errands to run. She would start her new life as a college student with a whole new cast of characters and I would never know most of them one single bit. 

As we said goodbye, my daughter looked exactly the same to me as she did at 2 ½ – desperate and unable, even though I knew that was not true. It wasn’t that I didn’t think she could handle things; I knew she had the skills. I just didn’t want her to feel afraid when I wouldn’t be there to comfort her somehow – even if it was just with a reassuring smile and nod. That is what hit me hard. 

In retrospect, what would I do differently? I would have thought a bit about that moment in advance and emotionally prepared myself for the goodbye and, most importantly, for turning and walking away. I would have considered what message I wanted to send to her. I would have thought of how to take care of myself when I felt that crushing blow. 

I wish I had thought about the actual leaving in advance. So now, I am reaching out to other moms and encouraging you to think ahead so the moment you turn and walk away doesn’t totally take your breath away like it did mine.

I wish you and your child all the best as you start this exciting new chapter!