The Hidden Emotional Toll of College: What Moms Need To Know

As the mom of a high school junior or senior, you’re focused on preparing your child for the exciting yet challenging transition to college. In this blog, I’ll share insights into how your child’s well-being may be at risk in ways you might not expect when they witness or learn about upsetting things that happen to others. I will also share ideas about preparing yourself and your child to navigate these challenges.

Understanding Vicarious Trauma: Crucial Insight For Moms

I always turn to the literature first because it often sheds light on the unknown. College student surveys are beneficial because, when you think about it, our kids tell us what we need to know through their answers. 

Over 90% of college students surveyed reported that they witnessed at least one traumatic event on campus.

This staggering statistic reveals a troubling truth: your college student is likely to be exposed to distressing situations when they witness things happening to their peers. These exposures are usually unexpected and unpredictable. In addition, they can be deeply impacted when hearing someone talk about or learning about disturbing issues.

Exposure to disturbing things can lead to distress or vicarious trauma. For example, psychologists, nurses, and first responders are impacted by the trauma they witness and learn about College students often experience vicarious trauma, and most often, families are not prepared. 

Why College Students Are Particularly Vulnerable

College students are in a unique developmental stage, encountering many challenges and exciting opportunities for the first time. Here are some of the factors that contribute to their vulnerability:

• Lack of Experience: Many students face troubling situations for the first time in college without prior exposure to anything similar. They are in an intensive time of experiencing so many “firsts,” and it can be overwhelming.
• Absence of Support: They are likely away from their primary support system, making it harder to process distressing events. They are trying to build new relationships while simultaneously managing unfamiliar stressors.
• New Coping Skills: College students are in the intensive process of developing coping mechanisms and likely do not yet have the tools to handle upsetting situations effectively. 
• New Roles: College students often volunteer and take on mentoring roles such as becoming resident assistants, which increases their exposure to hardships.

Signs Of Vicarious Trauma

Recognizing the indicators of vicarious trauma is vital for supporting your college student’s mental health. Common signs include, but are not limited to:

• Intense emotional fluctuations.
• Feelings of anxiety and/or depression
• Difficulty concentrating or feeling scattered. 
• Existential questioning about the meaning of life.
• Feeling a sense of hopelessness and/or powerlessness. 
• Increased fear and feelings of vulnerability.
• Worrying about their welfare and that of others.
• Engaging in self-destructive coping behaviors such as self-medicating with alcohol.
• Avoiding situations that evoke fear.
• Developing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  

Sources Of Distress For College Students

Your child may experience vicarious trauma through witnessing events where someone is in harm’s way, such as:

• Crimes.
• Hazing.
• Substance abuse leading to risk and/or harm.
• Physical or sexual assault.
• Emotional crises or mental health emergencies.
• Medical emergencies or injury.
• Harassment or threats.
• Inappropriate behavior from authority figures.

They may also be exposed to upsetting information even when they are participating in positive and growth-producing experiences such as:

• Studying case studies or historical events.
• Conducting research. 
• Watching videos for educational purposes.
• Training for careers in healthcare, psychology, social work, or similar fields.
• Volunteering with at-risk populations.
• Completing internships in high-stress environments.

Complicating Factors To Consider

Your child might also face additional challenges that heighten their emotional responses such as:

• Suspicions about RIsk or Danger: Your child is likely to experience distress or trauma when they suspect (even if they didn’t witness anything specific) that a peer might be at risk and they later learn something terrible happened to them. For example, a friend is very drunk, and, after your child leaves the party, their friend is hospitalized.
• Stories Shared with Them: Your college student will almost definitely hear detailed stories about their friends’ traumatic or upsetting experiences.
• Bystander Guilt: Your child may feel they could have done more to help a friend and struggle with regret and guilt. 

How Can You Prepare Yourself And Your College Student?

You prepare yourself and your child for the risks and challenges of college life. Here are some ideas for fostering open discussions and building resilience:

• Share the Facts: Talk openly about the likelihood of feeling distress or vicarious trauma and normalize it as a problematic yet common experience most college students face. 
• Frontload Support: Determine what supports might benefit them and provide those resources before they are needed. 
• The Heading Institute assists professionals working in high-stress and challenging situations. While their resources might not seem applicable to college students at first glance, the information they offer can be very helpful. For example, check out this video about coping with unpredictability on their website. 
• Another helpful resource is available here.
• Normalize their Feelings: Talk about how their feelings and struggles are valid and a normal part of challenging experiences. 
• Develop a Proactive Plan: Collaborate with your child to create a plan about how they can attend to their mental health and wellness daily and what they will do if they begin to feel distressed. Encourage them to get help and support before things get difficult. Be specific, and be sure they know where to go to get help. 
• Ask the Questions about Safety: Open the door for discussion and always inquire directly about their health and safety. 

Access Comprehensive Resources: For a deeper dive into preparing for all aspects of college life, including unexpected emotional challenges, explore the COLLEGE UNCOVERED Toolkit. It offers extensive resources and strategies to ensure you are thoroughly prepared to support your child through their college journey.